Brown Sugar and Banana Muffins (or cupcakes)

As I've said many times, baking is my stress relief. And thanks to the hot mess that education is in in this state, I have a whole lotta stress in my life right now. I don't think anyone, outside of education, really understands what it's like to be a teacher. The ridiculous way that teachers and schools are portrayed on TV doesn't help (I'm talking to you, Glee).

But beyond that, I'm not sure anyone, other than a fellow teacher, knows what kind of burden we deal with. English teachers have hours of essays to grade. Math teachers have building blocks of concepts to build on (and often rebuild). Social science teachers have eons of material to cover. And elective teachers, I'm finding, frequently are left in the dust.

I was hired as an English and journalism teacher. After my first year, I took over the struggling yearbook program. After my third year, I started a digital photography program. I carefully carved out a niche for myself--earning accolades for my organization, dedication and attention to detail along the way. I've helped put my school on the scholastic media map, so to speak. And I've exposed hundreds of kids to a world beyond Southern California, that many of them never knew existed.

As my media-based endeavors grew, my commitment in the English department lessened. And this year, in my fourth year of teaching, I found myself a full-time electives teacher. Which is AWESOME. I show up to work and I get to teach the FUN STUFF all day long. I have a schedule most people would dream of.

But with budget cuts looming, overall school enrollment dropping and general morale at all time low, my stomach is in knots. School is out in a month. I have no idea what I'm teaching next year. I have worked my ass off to build some spectacular programs, and I feel like I am grasping and threads as someone unravels my world in front of me.

The hardest part? Me, the control freak, has no control over my situation. I am sharing some of my programs with another teacher, who has seniority over me, despite the fact that I created the programs. I don't have as many students in my publications courses as I have in the past--which was intentional. A staff of 80 is just too much to manage! But now that I've built up these programs, I seem to have created a reputation as THE person to save struggling programs. So rather than giving my infant programs time to grow and mature, they are being pulled away from me, and another dying program is being dumped in my lap.

Of course, none of this is set in stone. It could all change August 3. Or August 17. Or tomorrow. And I just get to roll with the punches. I guess I should be flattered that everyone thinks I can take on the world and fix everything. But really? Someday, I'd like to be able to come home after school and bake. Just bake. For myself. And not worry about going back for deadline. Or an awards night. Or this. Or that. Ya know?

So, as I sit here, wondering what will become of me, I'm giving in to my vices. Stress baking starts now.

You can call these muffins. You can put frosting on them and call them cupcakes. But whatever you do, you better call them delicious.

Brown Sugar Banana Muffin-cakes

Adapted from How Sweet It Is

Simple, yet delicious. And really, muffins are just cupcakes without make up on, right?

1 1/3 cups flour
1 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
pinch of nutmeg
dash of cinnamon
1 egg
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3.5 large ripe bananas
1/4 cup sour cream
1/2 cup butter, melted

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a muffin tin with liners.

Whisk together dry flour, salt, baking soda, cinnamon and nutmeg and set aside.

With an electric mixer, mix egg and add brown sugar, mixing until smooth. Mix in vanilla.

Add sour cream and melted butter and mix until just combined.

Stir in dry ingredients, then add bananas (don't even bother mashing---just toss 'em in!) and mix until batter comes together. The batter will be thick.

Scoop batter in liners and fill about 2/3 full. Bake for 15-18 minutes. Let cool completely.

Strawberry Protein Bites

I never fancied myself a runner. Even as my running routines have increased, I never classified myself in "that" category. I've gotten to a point where I actually enjoy running and do actually look forward to my weekly distance endeavors. But when I drag my butt along the boardwalk at the beach, I never dream of classifying myself in the same category as the "real" runners who smoke past me, barely breaking a sweat.

But the reality is... I think I am nearing that category. I'm running a half marathon in two weeks. Me. Thirteen miles. The thought terrifies me. And excites me. The feeling of accomplishment that comes with breaking a new personal record, adding a mile or just surviving, is incredible. These feelings have come, more and more regularly, as my training regimen has increased.

Other feelings have become more frequent, too. Like hunger. Oh my lord, I am hungry. Running ten miles puts a pit in your tummy like nothing else. But the trade off? Burning a thousand calories makes me far less critical of what I put in my mouth. But it's also made me realize that what I'm eating really does matter. With little 5ks here and there, and maybe a 10k every once in a while, my meal preparation hasn't played a major role in my training.

But now, with running maps rolling out in front of me that are ten plus miles long, I'm realizing that I need to feed my body more effectively. Putting the right things into it help me get the kinds of results I want out of myself. And learning how to effectively prepare things to support my efforts has been both challenging and exciting, in the realm of my kitchen. Combining my newest addiction (tacking on miles), with my most popular addiction (baking), has been a deliciously rewarding experience.

These yummy morsels are both healthy and delicious. They also provide an adequate amount of protein and give you a wonderful, flavorful boost of energy before or after a workout. And, you don't have to feel bad about popping a few of them in your mouth every time you walk by the kitchen.

Strawberry-Almond Protein Bites

adapted from Baking Serendipity 

• 1 cups rolled oats
• 1/4 cup raisins
• 1/4 cup dark chocolate pieces
• 1/4 cup ground flaxseed
• 1/4 cup chopped walnuts or almonds
• 1/4 cup fresh strawberries, diced
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/8 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1/2 cup almond butter
• 1/3 cup honey
• 1/4 agave

In a medium sized mixing bowl, combine oats, raisins, flaxseed, nuts, chocolate, strawberries, cinnamon and nutmeg. Add almond butter, agave and honey and stir to coat evenly. Refrigerate for at least an hour. Using an ice cream scoop or tablespoons, form the bites into balls. Store in the fridge in an airtight container.

She's Baaaaaaaaack!

I know, it's been too long. But I can explain...

It was Lent. I sacrificed my blogging for Lent. And before anyone freaks out---yes, I know I am not Catholic. In fact, I wouldn't even describe myself as religious, or spiritual. But to me, Lent was about testing my will power.

Shortly before Lent started, I was reading an article that talked about the reasons behind the practice. The article pointed out that it wasn't something that was distinctly Christian, or even anything that had clearly defined roots in any religious practice. The idea was that individuals would identify their vices, their short-comings, their challenges, and then spend 40 days working to improve themselves in those areas. It got me thinking... What are my vices? What keeps me from doing the things I need to do, the things I should do? What is holding me back?

The answer to that was easy. Cupcakes. Have a bad day? Bake cupcakes. Need to relax? Bake cupcakes. Feel bad for giving students a pop quiz? Bake cupcakes. Need a favor from someone? Bake cupcakes. Bored? Bake cupcakes. Hungry? Bake cupcakes. Happy? Bake cupcakes. I realized, pretty immediately (or maybe it was never really a secret) that cupcakes were a pretty big weakness of mine. So I decided--that was it. No cupcakes until after Easter. That meant--no eating, baking, buying, selling, gifting... anything. And oh trust me, I wanted to. And I was tempted. And people were disappointed. My students, first and foremost, took personal offense to my efforts. My friends, also, were not pleased with my choices. But I had to try and do this for myself.

If you know me, you know that over the past several years, I have had some great demonstrations of will power. I have also had some supreme failures. But I really wanted to prove to myself that I could do this. I could give up something that had come to define me. It was my trademark. But I could let it go. I could still exist without the apron and the frosting bag.... Right?

And I did. Life went on. I missed my cupcake madness. But I forced myself to do other things. I found that my evenings were more productive when I didn't try and bake 4 dozen cupcakes after work. I found that my kitchen stayed a little bit cleaner when there wasn't a trail of flour that traced my journey from cabinet, to counter, to oven. I found that my bank account stayed a little bit fatter if I wasn't rushing out to buy butter, eggs and flour every other day.

I also realized that I am not a one-trick pony. Believe it or not, I can bake other things. I make a mean lemon meringue pie. I finally faced my fears and tackled cheesecake. I've dabbled in the vegan baking world some more. I've funneled my energy into finding healthy, satisfying, low-calorie dinners that are easy to prepare so that Nick can help me more in the kitchen. In terms of cupcakes, I say lesson learned. Yes, I will go back to baking them... In fact, I have an order to put out today. But I think I'm going to slow it down... And bake with a purpose--not just because I'm bored. Not just because I saw a recipe that looked interesting. With Summer rapidly approaching, I know that I need to start pinching my pennies and putting the brakes on constant cupcake cooking might be a good way to do that. But don't worry kids... First current events quiz? You'll get cupcakes. I promise.

So now you're saying... But why the blog? Where baking is a physical vice for me---something that I would do to make myself feel better, make myself relax, get my head cleared up... Writing is a mental vice. Now, as an English teacher, one wouldn't think that I would associate something like a vice with a skill like writing. And it most cases, I wouldn't. But every time I tied my apron strings, I found myself thinking about posts and recipes and pictures. It started to take a little fun out of what I was doing. In a sense, there were times when cooking and writing about it felt like a chore. I didn't want that. I started this blog to catalog all of the fun I was having--my baking, cooking and experimenting adventures. And my writing has always been an escape for me. I knew I would miss jotting things down, telling my little stories... But I also knew that they would be here when I got back. I had to put writing for fun on hold last year, to finish my thesis. And this year, I needed to refocus. I needed to reflect. I needed to rework my process.

And so it was decided... To put the fun back into my kitchen, the blog needed a time out. I kept on cooking, but I cooked for me. I didn't have to worry about taking pictures or jotting down my measurements or thinking of ways to describe my process. I was able to focus my energy in a single direction and simply enjoy what I was doing---not to say that I didn't enjoy it before, I definitely did, but I felt like I got back to cooking purely. Cooking for cooking. And eating. Not cooking for blogging.

And I didn't tell you sooner because... Well, it felt less like an actual sacrifice if I had to make a disclaimer for it. If I had to explain all my reasons before I even tried to do it, then it was like I had to talk myself into it all over again. So I just went for it... Knowing that you, my loyal blog readers, would understand. I did this for US! :)

I've learned that I am talented. In the kitchen and at the keyboard. I've learned that I'm messy. In the kitchen, and in my head. I've learned that I am flexible and I can experiment. I can deviate from a recipe to make it vegan, and it still works. I can adjust measurements if I don't think they flavor will capture what I want. I can do a whole hell of a lot more than cupcakes. Sure, they will continue to be my trademark. They are what makes me tick. But I can do so much more. I am, without a doubt, a little one-woman bake shop.

So keep reading. I am back. And I'm back for good. I will continue to try and keep up with at least one post a week, but you will have to forgive me when life gets in the way. Because life will happen. I will get busy. But I won't let cupcakes, blogging or anything else, keep me from getting where I need to be and doing what I need to do.

But of course, we know that my real mission here is to save the world... one cupcake at a time.