She's Baaaaaaaaack!

I know, it's been too long. But I can explain...

It was Lent. I sacrificed my blogging for Lent. And before anyone freaks out---yes, I know I am not Catholic. In fact, I wouldn't even describe myself as religious, or spiritual. But to me, Lent was about testing my will power.

Shortly before Lent started, I was reading an article that talked about the reasons behind the practice. The article pointed out that it wasn't something that was distinctly Christian, or even anything that had clearly defined roots in any religious practice. The idea was that individuals would identify their vices, their short-comings, their challenges, and then spend 40 days working to improve themselves in those areas. It got me thinking... What are my vices? What keeps me from doing the things I need to do, the things I should do? What is holding me back?

The answer to that was easy. Cupcakes. Have a bad day? Bake cupcakes. Need to relax? Bake cupcakes. Feel bad for giving students a pop quiz? Bake cupcakes. Need a favor from someone? Bake cupcakes. Bored? Bake cupcakes. Hungry? Bake cupcakes. Happy? Bake cupcakes. I realized, pretty immediately (or maybe it was never really a secret) that cupcakes were a pretty big weakness of mine. So I decided--that was it. No cupcakes until after Easter. That meant--no eating, baking, buying, selling, gifting... anything. And oh trust me, I wanted to. And I was tempted. And people were disappointed. My students, first and foremost, took personal offense to my efforts. My friends, also, were not pleased with my choices. But I had to try and do this for myself.

If you know me, you know that over the past several years, I have had some great demonstrations of will power. I have also had some supreme failures. But I really wanted to prove to myself that I could do this. I could give up something that had come to define me. It was my trademark. But I could let it go. I could still exist without the apron and the frosting bag.... Right?

And I did. Life went on. I missed my cupcake madness. But I forced myself to do other things. I found that my evenings were more productive when I didn't try and bake 4 dozen cupcakes after work. I found that my kitchen stayed a little bit cleaner when there wasn't a trail of flour that traced my journey from cabinet, to counter, to oven. I found that my bank account stayed a little bit fatter if I wasn't rushing out to buy butter, eggs and flour every other day.

I also realized that I am not a one-trick pony. Believe it or not, I can bake other things. I make a mean lemon meringue pie. I finally faced my fears and tackled cheesecake. I've dabbled in the vegan baking world some more. I've funneled my energy into finding healthy, satisfying, low-calorie dinners that are easy to prepare so that Nick can help me more in the kitchen. In terms of cupcakes, I say lesson learned. Yes, I will go back to baking them... In fact, I have an order to put out today. But I think I'm going to slow it down... And bake with a purpose--not just because I'm bored. Not just because I saw a recipe that looked interesting. With Summer rapidly approaching, I know that I need to start pinching my pennies and putting the brakes on constant cupcake cooking might be a good way to do that. But don't worry kids... First current events quiz? You'll get cupcakes. I promise.

So now you're saying... But why the blog? Where baking is a physical vice for me---something that I would do to make myself feel better, make myself relax, get my head cleared up... Writing is a mental vice. Now, as an English teacher, one wouldn't think that I would associate something like a vice with a skill like writing. And it most cases, I wouldn't. But every time I tied my apron strings, I found myself thinking about posts and recipes and pictures. It started to take a little fun out of what I was doing. In a sense, there were times when cooking and writing about it felt like a chore. I didn't want that. I started this blog to catalog all of the fun I was having--my baking, cooking and experimenting adventures. And my writing has always been an escape for me. I knew I would miss jotting things down, telling my little stories... But I also knew that they would be here when I got back. I had to put writing for fun on hold last year, to finish my thesis. And this year, I needed to refocus. I needed to reflect. I needed to rework my process.

And so it was decided... To put the fun back into my kitchen, the blog needed a time out. I kept on cooking, but I cooked for me. I didn't have to worry about taking pictures or jotting down my measurements or thinking of ways to describe my process. I was able to focus my energy in a single direction and simply enjoy what I was doing---not to say that I didn't enjoy it before, I definitely did, but I felt like I got back to cooking purely. Cooking for cooking. And eating. Not cooking for blogging.

And I didn't tell you sooner because... Well, it felt less like an actual sacrifice if I had to make a disclaimer for it. If I had to explain all my reasons before I even tried to do it, then it was like I had to talk myself into it all over again. So I just went for it... Knowing that you, my loyal blog readers, would understand. I did this for US! :)

I've learned that I am talented. In the kitchen and at the keyboard. I've learned that I'm messy. In the kitchen, and in my head. I've learned that I am flexible and I can experiment. I can deviate from a recipe to make it vegan, and it still works. I can adjust measurements if I don't think they flavor will capture what I want. I can do a whole hell of a lot more than cupcakes. Sure, they will continue to be my trademark. They are what makes me tick. But I can do so much more. I am, without a doubt, a little one-woman bake shop.

So keep reading. I am back. And I'm back for good. I will continue to try and keep up with at least one post a week, but you will have to forgive me when life gets in the way. Because life will happen. I will get busy. But I won't let cupcakes, blogging or anything else, keep me from getting where I need to be and doing what I need to do.

But of course, we know that my real mission here is to save the world... one cupcake at a time.